Falling

It's been a while since my last entry. I only wrote one sentence two days ago, and while I sometimes start an entry on one day and finish it the next, I have decided to let that one sentence stand on its own. As Truman Capote said after working all day and coming up with one sentence, "It was the right sentence." And as I have said before, the more you say, the less it means. I am writing now because internet sweepstakes are offering me instant win opportunities, but when I get to the end I am told to check my email to confirm my entry. There is never an email for me to complete my entry, and at least 3 companies are pulling this shit, maybe 4. It is disgusting, made more so by my precarious financial and mental state. Just then, I had my suicidal thought of the day: if I ever do a podcast, I should call it that. It could be good for some laughs, like watching someone slip on ice. My fall is much slower, but it seems to be no less inevitable. Down I go, ever downward, fooling myself because the delusion is all I have to sustain me. Madness, my salvation/ I can forget my damnation/ the act of creation/ sustaining me, restraining me// Down cold streets I wander/ many wonders that I ponder/ so many thoughts I can't think at all/ and it's all too much for words// I'll be happier when they take me away/ and put me somewhere safe to stay/ All the debts I can't repay/ won't matter there, not at all/ I won't remember anymore/ then I'll finally live.