Sinking

I had to fight a few unsocial impulses today. I did mutter some comments, but there was no yelling or slapping anyone in the back of the head. Perhaps I don't deserve a medal for that, but the strength it took to do that was heroic nonetheless. I feel I'm being swallowed alive, my depression sucking me into its gaping maw, and there is no one who will reach out to me. I wrote a song about not caring how much people hate me, but the contempt of all the little people starts to hurt after awhile. The only lifeline I have at this time are the immortal lines of Henry Rollins, 'Rise above', words that I should never forget. Right now, I'm listening to Prokofiev's Second Symphony, a piece I save for moments of extreme psychic trauma, such as what I am feeling right now. There's something about it that just sets me straight, and I should probably listen to it constantly, but then I would be afraid it would lose its power, like taking hallucinogenics everyday reducing their effectiveness. I do need some kind of miracle though, because I want to lash out at the world, or destroy myself, two options that I know are foolish. After all I've been through, I can't get stupid now. Somehow, I must remain strong.