How would my life be different if I had accepted myself for who I am? I'd probably have had someone who loves me, maybe even a lot more money. Why have I been so cruel to myself, yet so kind to others, many of whom gladly take advantage of my kindness and give little in return. For example, I promised to explain what makes me who and what I am in our last episode, but here I am, refusing to explore that subject. It's all so deep, and to go there dredges up forces I dread, some beyond my control. It makes me want to cry, and I hate tears, especially my own. If I promise to explore this subject next time, it could just be another false promise, like all the promises ever made to me. Just thinking about it makes me want to tear off my shirt and scream, but I must control myself, since my shirt is a homage to Frank Zappa and The Mothers of Invention (Freak Out)and I love Zappa's music much more than I could ever love myself. I believe it's my self-loathing that keeps me
Comments
Post a Comment