Persistence

I refuse to surrender but it is hard to fight alone. Who and how and why get mixed up, and where and when become everywhere and all the time. Being new and improved, I hesitate to go on, because this is where the darkness of my mind rises up to swallow me. I am not supposed to indulge my demons in this venue, or so I promised, but the thoughts and feelings don't care about my ambitions. If I had any sense...yeah, right. I am lost, a dense thicket of woods the life I try to hack my way through, towards some dim light in the distance that leads me to...where? There are still grand ideas in my head that I think can salvage the wreckage of my life. From that disaster can still be found precious gems, but I can't do it alone and I can't get anyone to help me undertake such a massive project. Today I got to stay in my cousin's hotel room, which I think is where this latest foray into the dark began. It's no fun on the street but I don't have to listen to anyone. She sucked up the last of my money, which I had hoped to use for some slim pieces of joy. But she was in trouble, so I helped her out. I had to. She can't help me but the day I can't help someone will be the day rigor mortis sets in. Right now I want to record my music but my prospects are dim. My fantasies would make a great recording; my reality will make nothing.