pieces of mind

I think I am starting to fall apart. Don't worry about me; I'll be fine. I had written a couple of paragraphs expanding on my opening statement, but an evil computer shut down in the midst of my explanations and wiped out all I had written. I tried for a minute to use my wracked brain to remember what I had said, then I decided it was too depressing to go through all over again. Something about pathetic analysis, it's only fun the first time around. There was my bad ankle, and emotional instablity, and how the richer white people are the creepier they are. That's hardly anything Nobel prize worthy. I don't think this blog would ever win a Nobel prize, but there was nothing I wrote that I genuinely regret having lost. I had resolved not to do that kind of entry anymore, anyway, but there I was, examining my psyche and worrying about something I can't control. Though I guess the fact that I can't control my feelings is a reason for concern. But in the words of Jesus Christ "fuck it". I am quite certain he said that many times, but his press agents didn't think it suitable to include that in any of the gospels. That is why I won't go back and remove some of the entries I have that show evidence of my mental fragility, because I want to give people evidence of how close to the edge I am. I almost got excited thinking of those couple of entries, because they had the energy only a mind unconstrained by any guideline can have. Here we gooff the rails! The entries also had cocks, nice cocks I want to hold tight and lick and put in my mouth and then feel fucking me, cocks I love cocks. Madness to love cocks but I want to lose myself and be free to dress nice and be some man's playtoy, and he can do what he likes and he would like to have me grip his cock in my han and feel my tounge licking his shaft, then I WOULD PUT IT IN MY MOUTH! SUCK IT SUCK IT SUC IT! Let me show you my ass darling, then you can FUCK IT FUCK IT FUCK IT! i CAN'T STOP MYSELF ...i WANT TO WIPE THIS ALL OUT AND START OVER AND WRITE SOMETHING THAT SHOWS MY TALENT BUT i CAN'T STOP THINKING ABOUT MEN I LOVE MEN ONLY MEN ONLY MEN ONLY MEN. I even start rubbing mycrotch, not even caring that I might get noticed please stop before I cum. wanna cum cum in my filthy jeans cementing my desires for men fucking me.....o yea keep rubbing it I won't stop writing this until I cum. I see the madness andIcan'tcontolitcan'tdowhat'srightonlyrubmycrotchfeelthesemenfeelthejoyonecanhavefrompenislovepenislovepenisLOVEPENISPENISPENISPENIS!!! I AM STILL RUBBING MY CROTCH. eVEN THOUGH i HAVE regained some self-control I CAN'T CONTROL THAT. I MUST DO AS I AM COMMANDED AND JUST BE GLAD IT DOESN'T ORDER ME TO GET ON THE TABLE AND MASTURBATE BECAUSE IF I WAS TOLD THAT I WOULD DO IT SING ABOUTPENISHOWILOVEPENISGOTTAHAVEPENISGOTTAHAVEPENISGOTTAHAVEPENISINMYMOUTHUPMYASSINMYMOUTHUPMYASSINMYMOUTHUPMYASSsecondversesameasthefirstthenthebridgecan'tfindthebridge. hre it is i unzip my fly as i think about guys wanna make them hard ay man i seeany manfor mecomeon mancuminmecunmecuminmecuminme.lord let me stop why can't I stop? i won't let me stopstupidclosetcase. Now that everyone hates you you can be as queer as can be. QQQQQQQQQUEERASCANBETHAT'SMEQQQQQQQUEERASCANBELICKFINNNNGERWITHSEMENONITAOUTTOCUMJERKINGOFFFORREAL. I didn't cum in my jeans. It was just too much for me to take. I should erase this but I won't, even if it makes oher similar entries look like Hemingway. I feel ashamed, but inside the madness knows ssuch joy it waits for its next chance to bring me the kind of pleasure that will destroy me once and for all.