Wishes

Today's entry is a public service message, so I will dispense with any digressions that will take away from the important announcement that I will soon reveal. Yea even though some may find my reasoning to be cavalier, I stand by my conclusions, in order to make the world a better place. Therefore, my advice to the citizens of the world is to only wish for money. Though it's a crass idea, wishing for money has less unintended consequences than other wishes have. Say you wish for world peace, a noble sentiment to be sure: the next thing you know the human race has been wiped out by some unimaginable disaster. Truly, the main cause of war is us, the accursed Killer Apes, and our demise would ensure world peace for many millenia, at least until the warlike squirrels evolve the intelligence necessary to threaten the natural order as we have done. However, if you just wish for money, the worst that can happen is a rich uncle you hardly know dies and leaves you a small fortune, or some politicians decide on some new government program that puts lots of money in your pocket. Maybe the economy collapses, but you will get yours, without any sort of calamity involved. I only wish for money for that very reason. In fact, though, it's best to make a wish something real through active participation than to rely on the random effects of an idle wish. For example, the extra money put on unemployment payments was some of the best governing I have ever seen, but it didn't go far enough. Since money is an arbitrary construct, we should have given out thousands of dollars, instead of hundreds. Then all us beggars would ride in style, instead of just taking the bus. We newly enriched buns could go down to Mar a Lago and hang out with Donald Trump (the best friend I never had) and he would enjoy our company so much, he'd give up on all his dreams of power, and start enjoying life again. Therefore, to ensure my wish for money comes true, I propose that America passes the Make Thomas A Millionaire Act. When everyone saw all the neat stuff I bought, it would cause the economy to explode like Fourth of July fireworks. It doesn't get more patriotic than that.