Republic

I think it's time for a change. For too long, our President has belonged to one of two parties, and no matter how you flip the coin, the American people have been the losers. So I think that we should have a Philosopher King instead of a President, and I humbly accept the position, for I am a philosopher and I need a place to stay. While I realize this can't happen immediately, I believe it should be done as soon as possible. First, a joyous mob can carry me into the White House on their shoulders and then I cook myself a couple of hot dogs in Microwave One. I love hot dogs. Then to show how nice I am, I watch the final episode of 'Third Rock From The Sun' with Joe Biden, while my admirers pack his stuff. "Boy, am I glad you showed up," Joe says. "This President thing is a a bunch of malarkey." "You got that right," I reply. "But this will make a lot more sense." "What's the first thing you're going to do?" "The first thing to do is make a horror movie. I'll call it 'Terror on Capitol Hill' and Nancy Pelosi will be the first victim." "Cool." This will be more complicated than I thought. I will expand on my program at a future date.